Kenyan Lady Advises Women Against Normalising Suffering in Marriages: "It's Meant to Be Enjoyed"
- A Kenyan woman sparked debate on Facebook by challenging the idea that women should endure suffering in marriage
- She criticised the popular Kiswahili saying "mwanamke ni kuvumilia", urging women to stop normalising pain in romantic unions
- The woman emphasised that marriage should make someone better, not bitter, and be a source of joy, not silent suffering
- TUKO.co.ke also spoke to a counsellor who advised on what should be done if one is trapped in an unhappy marriage
CHECK OUT: How to Start Earning with Copywriting in Just 7 Days – Even if You’re a Complete Beginner
A Kenyan lady has sparked a debate on Facebook, after cautioning her fellow women against normalising suffering in marriage because romantic unions are meant to be enjoyed.
Source: Getty Images
The Kenyan woman noted that, unlike the perceived belief that marriage is not a bed of roses, a life with a spouse should not make one bitter for life or a victim of circumstances.
In a Facebook post, she observed that, contrary to the popular phrase "mwanamke ni kuvumilia", or that "it rains everywhere", not all men are the same, and it is possible to enjoy marriage.
"Marriage is meant to make you better not bitter. Marriage is not about one party living their best life, and the other suffering in it. These women claim no man is better out there, that you should grin and bear it; Eti mwanamke ni kuvumilia. No! Men are not all the same," she said.
Search option is now available at TUKO! Feel free to search the content on topics/people you enjoy reading about in the top right corner ;)
She said that as much as she is pro-marriage, promoting it as an institution where some women undergo neglect, abuse or trauma as if it is normal does not sit right with her.
"We have to do things differently. I am pro-marriage but not pro-suffering. I am pro-healthy marriages, not one where you slowly die on the inside, where you look like a shell of your former self. You used to glow. Now you look older than your years. Your great energy, smile and laughter were once infectious; now you're always miserable. Some son of Adam wiped off your smile," she advised.
We need to have women looking forward to great marriages. Not ones fuelled by infidelity and ill treatment. That should not be normalised. My lady, you are valuable," she added.
The lady's post sparked a conversation on Facebook, with many agreeing that marriages are meant to be enjoyed.
Kenyans share tips on avoiding unhappy marriages
Many noted that the partner one chooses to tie the knot with has a big influence on whether the marriage will be a happy one or not.
Here are some of the comments:
Agatha Ogutuu said:
"Thank you for saying it the way it is. Even in relationships, I love peace jamani. I am choosing myself over and over again."
Liz Njoki said:
"Sure...there's no trophy for suffering."
Nyar Abandu said:
"They tell us 'it's raining everywhere'. Women generally should stop normalising suffering because they want to be seen as heroines and strong women."
Counsellor speaks on building happy marriages
TUKO.co.ke reached out to counsellor Jane Murimi Mugo, who explained why many individuals may find themselves trapped in unhappy marriages.
Mugo opined that many times, people do not factor in important things like love, compatibility or shared values as part of the reasons to marry someone.
According to her, many pick whoever is unavailable or convenient, and in the long run, such marriages end up being unhappy for one or both partners.
"I keep on saying that 90% of marriages today aren't love-driven. That's why a lot is happening. They are marriages of convenience, and a number of factors led to one settling with whoever. If trapped in an unhappy marriage, do some soul-searching to understand what is happening," she said.
"Women should be bold enough and share the issues about their marriages with their men. Don't just sit and assume all is gonna be alright. If it's too much, give him time, block him. If you normalise suffering, death is knocking, gradually or suddenly. Effective communication is crucial in a marriage, whether it hurts or not. It saves a lot," she added.
Man caught on camera assaulting wife
This comes as Kenyans call out a man caught on home CCTV video assaulting his wife, and the children watch helplessly.
The man and his wife are seen in the clip, with the man spilling milk on the woman and then hitting her with the cup.
Even more heartbreaking, the couple's little son is seen trying to defend his mum.
Proofreading by Asher Omondi, copy editor at TUKO.co.ke.
Source: TUKO.co.ke
Racheal Nyaguthie (HOD Human interest) Racheal Nyaguthie is an accredited journalist in Kenya and is currently the Head of the Human Interest Department at TUKO. She has six years of experience in digital journalism, having previously worked in Tuko's Current Affairs desk as a senior politics and current Affairs editor. Racheal was also a recipient of the AWiM Women in Politics Fellowship programme, where she investigated the experiences of Kenyan women in politics. She is also a WAN-IFRA Women In News 2025 Fellow. Email: racheal.nyaguthie@tuko.co.ke.
Jane Murimi Mugo (Relationship Coach and Family Expert) Jane Murimi Mugo is a relationship and marriage expert who started her counselling journey 12 years ago after realising that moulding children from a tender age is significant. The Mount Kenya University (MKU) graduate is also the author of Caged, a book addressing the plights of the boy child and is also currently working on a book on mental health, targeting boys and men.
